I want to be kind & feel positive & make people feel good about themselves. & I want to learn how to balance that with having intense needs for boundaries, self care, & alone time. Ok? Ok.
Depression is humiliating.
If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged. Pearl (via psych-facts)
these are actually nice
- 1. selfie
- 2. what would you name your future kids?
- 3. do you miss anyone?
- 4. what are you looking forward to?
- 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?
- 6. is it hard for you to get over someone?
- 7. what was your life like last year?
- 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?
- 9. who did you last see in person?
- 10. are you good at hiding your feelings?
- 11. are you listening to music right now?
- 12. what is something you want right now?
- 13. how do you feel right now?
- 14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?
- 15. personality description
- 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?
- 17. opinion on insecurities.
- 18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?
- 19. have you ever been to New York?
- 20. what is your favourite song at the moment?
- 21. age and birthday?
- 22. description of crush.
- 23. fear(s)
- 24. height
- 25. role model
- 26. idol(s)
- 27. things i hate
- 28. i'll love you if...
- 29. favourite film(s)
- 30. favourite tv show(s)
- 31. 3 random facts
- 32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?
- 33. something you want to learn
- 34. most embarrassing moment
- 35. favourite subject
- 36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?
- 37. favourite actor/actress
- 38. favourite comedian(s)
- 39. favourite sport(s)
- 40. favourite memory
- 41. relationship status
- 42. favourite book(s)
- 43. favourite song ever
- 44. age you get mistaken for
- 45. how you found out about your idol
- 46. what my last text message says
- 47. turn ons
- 48. turn offs
- 49. where i want to be right now
- 50. favourite picture of your idol
- 51. starsign
- 52. something i'm talented at
- 53. 5 things that make me happy
- 54. something thats worrying me at the moment
- 55. tumblr friends
- 56. favourite food(s)
- 57. favourite animal(s)
- 58. description of my best friend
- 59. why i joined tumblr
- 60. ask me anything you want
i did the being an extra in a movie thing. it was cool.
been awake since 5am. almost 12 hours now i guess. im like, super exhausted and angry, even though i just had therapy a couple hours ago.
i feel like a nothing piece of poop. and like, i know that that is suuuuuuuuuch self centered self pity and that i should probably call someone about it, but like, i dont wanna. because i am tired of reaching my hand out to other people. i really am. at least at this moment.
nobody wants to know my stories. nobody wants to actually know me.
this mostly has to do with aa peeps in bmore. anytime i meet up with people or am hanging out after meetings, i am always the person asking questions about other’s lives.
no one asks me about mine. it is extremely rare that anyone takes an interest in whats gooing in my world/what my life has been.
things i need to do:
-last minute xmas gifts for stepdad, mum, and sis
-bday gifts for pops and mum
-fucking grocery shopping
-fucking make a veggie stir fry to bring to homegroup for tomorrow night
what was that word i was thinking of?
so it looks like i will be waking up at 530 in the AM tomorrow morning! going to be in moco, rockville to be specific, being an extra in a movie! i am super excited, it has been one of those things in my life that i have desired to do for quite some time.
occassionally i daydream about moving to LA and pursuing a career as a professional extra. like, i have no desire to be famous whatsoever. but i just realy enjoy the idea of being in the background of epic or mundane moments in tv and movies.
i love looking at the people who youre not supposed to be paying attention to. they are the most fascinating. i like to wonder what they are thinking as they pantomime words and actions. id like to know their stories.
the movie is called. “A Year and Change” if anyone is interested in looking up what it is i shall hopefully be in the background of!
let’s also not ignore the irony that the supposedly feminist brand dove is also owned by the same conglomerate that makes and sells slimfastAnd AXE.
AND skin lightening products in Asia.
WELL we have the one direction fandom at large to thank for these charming additions to my vocabulary. (and also, later, specifically, james.) (at some level it’s connected, for me at least, to the idea of “bad taste” and the concept of [the opposite of] “living authentically” or something, whatever.)lauren i don’t think i’ve ever expressed to you how much yr various expressions of being a trash heap/i am garbage/etc. have come to mean to me in our time internet-knowing each other, they’ve burrowed deep into my heart
I want to preface by saying i dont know anything more about the 1d fandom than what i read from lauren and my friend amy and my only exposure to the identifacation as “trash/garbage” comes from reading laurens blog.
i was thinking about this concept while driving around one early morning on my way to walk dogs. i hadnt showered in at least 5 days and was wearing the same clothes from the day before. i was smelly (but i like being smelly? i dont wear deodorant, i just occasionally slather myself in patchouli or some other oil. i like my BO). i was greasy. i was out loud saying to myself, “i dont give a fuck, im a trash person.” and it felt good to a degree, especially in relation to my feelings on what sobriety is supposed to look like (something i need to write about another time).
but then i live in a really poor neighborhood in baltimore and as i was saying/thinking these things i looked around at the abandoned and condemned houses, some of the druggies who were fading out on the sidewalk, the homeless men who set up their spots underneath the bridge on mlk. i looked at the sign above them that said “keep maryland beautiful 1000 fine for littering”. i watched how they walked from car to car at the stop light with a sign saying “please help” and “god bless” and drivers avert their eyes while making sure their windows were up.
it got me thinking how in this society those people are actually thought of as trash, to be thrown away and never thought of again. our government deems them unworthy of civil liberties and human rights and so they live, without any real assistance, with the rest of the garbage, in the streets.
for myself, i can not identify as such anymore, because it is an act of self involved privilege. i am white girl who may not have much money and may be living in a poor part of town, but i am not poor. i have heaps of privilege.
i just cant call myself or anyone else trash. because humanity is already being stripped away from so many, politically, socially, economically, psychologically, mentally, spiritually.
"The world isn’t fair. Deal with it." - People who benefit from how unfair the world is.
"The world shouldn’t cater to your feelings and needs."- People whose feelings and needs the world caters to.
"This has nothing to do with race/gender/orientation/ability."- People who don’t want to address how their ideology has everything to do with race/gender/orientation/ability.